Tuesday, September 13, 2016

toxic relationship

Are you in a toxic relationship? Would you know if you were?

2. He puts you down.

Does your significant other criticize or demean you? Are you on edge most of the time because you feel that you can't please your partner or do anything right? Does he/she act superior towards you or mock you? These are all warning signs of an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship.

4. He refuses to change or talk about problems.

Is your partner open to being influenced by you? Is he/she self-reflective? When you express how you feel and ask for what you want, does he/she listen and make an effort to meet your needs?

If he/she refuses to acknowledge that your feelings and needs are important, you may be stuck in a toxic relationship.

6. You don't act like yourself.

Do you change your likes, dislikes or opinions when you're with your partner? Feeling like you can't be yourself and adjusting to please for fear of retaliation can be a sign of a toxic relationship. It's important to be able to express yourself honestly in your relationship for authentic love to grow.

8. He's the king of guilt trips.

He has a certain knack for making you feel guilty and indebted to him. You feel obligated to give in to whatever he wants, especially when he reminds you of that thoughtful gesture he's done for you lately.

When you try to talk with the person about something that's bothering you, do you end up feeling like the trouble is your fault?
Do you swallow your actual feelings in order to keep the peace in your relationship?
When/if you express your true thoughts clearly to your partner, do you fear he’ll interpret your communication as an attack, and you’ll have to brace yourself for ongoing “emotional blackmail” or some other form of retaliation?
Are you afraid to disagree with the person
You want to avoid conflict, but somehow you consistently end up in conflict with them.
You want to be “good enough” for them to approve of you, but no matter how much you try to accommodate what they say they want, you never measure up… you always feel like they see you in a negative light and not “good enough” for them.
Does the person always think he/she is right and doesn't stop arguing with you until you're worn out or give in?
Are you emotionally devastated when the person is upset with you or doesn't want to be in relationship with you?

You are not their savior or caregiver.

You might love them and want the best for them, but they are the only one who can control their emotions, reactions and actions. You cannot control these things for them, and therefore, it is impossible to live as if you are at all responsible for their emotions, actions and reactions.

His negative actions are the spark of conflict, but your emotionally negative reactions are the fuel which catches fire and propels the toxic relationship into full swing.

First, you need to be willing to walk away.
to find the place in your mind where you could picture leaving the relationship and being completely OK.
Visualizing this is important because it will help your mind see that you really are OK… even now… and it will quiet the voices in your head that fuel your fear of loss
When you’re willing to walk away if the toxic relationship can’t be improved, then you will finally break the cycle of sacrificing your well-being in order to “keep the peace” in the relationship.
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